Being a good communicator is essential in order to have both own needs and the needs of those closest to us met, be it partner, child, carer, teacher or boss.

Good communication consists of three essential skills:

listening to what the other person is saying

expressing how you feel and what you think and

accepting the other person’s opinions and feelings, even when they are different from your own. 

Key listening skills include looking at the person as they are speaking, being encouraging (i.e. nodding your head), using open ended questions (i.e. how do you feel) and reflecting back the speakers emotions, “you must feel frustrated”.  This shows that you have heard what the person is saying.

Of course many people try to block what other speakers are saying by judging, blaming, criticising, name calling, interrupting, excessive questioning and offering solutions rather than listening. In order to get your message across, choose the right time and place, not when you are busy or tired.  If it is important, make a special time and perhaps give the other person some warning – “I would like to talk to you about…before I leave today.”  Also, stick to the issues and stay on the point, make some notes beforehand if you tend to ramble.  Use sentences that start with “I”; “I think or I feel” and not “you make me feel”.   Finally be positive and tactful, if you are critical of others actions focus on the behaviour and not the person so that the other person stays engaged.